Life is Confusing
by moni kun
Summary: Shuichi finally starts to take how Yuki acts seriously, and begins to slide into depression. Will Yuki realize what he has done before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

"Shuichi? What's wrong? You stopped singing." Hiro asked, concerned. I croaked back at him.  
"Oh poor Shu-chan. Lost your voice because of singing too much?" He asked.  
I nodded although that wasn't the reason at all. "Go home and have some rest, Shuichi-kun." Said K. I nodded and left.

Back at the studio, Hiro flopped open his cellphone. "Yuki-san? This is Shuichi's friend Hiro. Shuichi's coming home sick. Yeah, he already left. Thought I should warn you. Bye."

I don't want to go home. I thought. As I walked down the streets despondently with my hands in my pockets. No, not there. That is what really caused me to lose my voice. Home. Yuki. I sighed. I'm back in the park again. Where we met.

Yuki POV That Nakano-san said that Shuichi was coming home soon. But it's been an hour already, and no brat. Something's been wrong with him lately, and now he's sick. "I'm gonna go look for him." I mumbled. I picked up my jacket and stalked out the door.  
It's almost like he's magnetically attracted to this house. To me. So he can't be so far that I need my car. As I walked down the street, I puffed on a cigarette. The park. I thought. And headed quickly in that direction. "Shuichi." I murmured. I can see a figure in the distance being buffeted by the wind. I walked closer. He's not facing me, but I'm sure that it's him. "Shuichi!" I called. The boy didn't turn.

Shuichi POV I love you Yuki. I have for a long time. You even loved me too. For a time. But I don't feel that love anymore. I know that you have deadlines, but you used to make time for me. You shut yourself away from me, and I have slowly come to accept that you don't love me anymore. But somehow I can't stop loving you. I can't leave you. I try to make you happy, but nothing works. I've changed myself for you, and you're still not happy. All you do is work at that wretched computer of yours. "Shuichi." I heard you call from far away. But it couldn't be you, because you don't care. The dream touched my shoulder, and turned me around. "Shuichi?" He asked. "Are you alright?" I looked up at him with blank, sad, eyes, and managed to croak out "You're not real." I stared. "You're not really here"  
"Shu, I'm here." He wrapped me into a hug. "I was worried. I care"  
"Do you really?" Dammit. My voice is cracking. I'm not going to be able to talk much longer  
He looked at me, startled. "Of course I do, Shu." He said oh so softly, oh so gently.  
"I've broken." I whispered. "You dropped me too many times and ow I've broken."

Yuki POV Has he finally lost it? No, he hasn't. His eyes tell the whole story. I've hurt him worse than Aizawa or Tohma ever could. A slow painful death for my Shu  
"Shuichi. I'll do anything. Anything to..." Help you  
"Hospital." He croaked.  
"Huh?" I glared at him, although I was surprised. He didn't flinch. That's a bad sign  
He lifted his hand from his arm to show a spreading stain. "It won't stop." He whispered.  
"Come on." I said. And lifted him into my arms. "Let's go get you some help." I walked quickly towards my car. "Shuichi. Have you done this before"  
"Mmble"  
"Hmm"  
"Yes." He squeaked in a tiny voice.  
"How many times"  
"I lost count. My throat. I'm sorry. Can't. Talk much"  
"You need to quit cutting yourself. You lost your voice?" Is that why you left work early"  
He nodded.  
I pulled up to the hospital and went around the car to open the door for Shu. I carried him bridal style into the hospital. A nurse met us inside.  
"Oh Shuichi." She murmured when she saw his arm. "You promised you'd stop." She looked at me. "Friend, or family"  
"Family." I shifted uncomfortably. "I'm his... partner"  
"Oh really? So you're Yuki-san then." She glared at me. "He needs some serious help and support"  
I nodded. "Yes, I realize that now"  
"Areyou willing to help him"  
I looked lovingly down at the unconscious boy. "He doesn't know yet, But I'd die for him"  
She smiled. "Let's just hope you don't have to do that, Yuki-san!" She finished bandaging Shuichi's arm. "There you go!" She glared at me again. "Get him some help. Goodbye, Yuki-san." She then sashayed away to leave me with my thoughts.  
I want to help him, but I don't know how. I should be the one to fix this problem since I am the one who created it. But I... I covered my face with my hands. I'm helpless myself! 


	2. Chapter 2

Shuichi POV

My eyes fluttered slightly. _My head hurts. _I shifted slightly and winced.

"Don't move your arm." A voice softly growled.

I stopped moving, I didn't even open my eyes.

The voice sighed. "You are awake, right?"

I opened my eyes as a confirmation, since I knew that I couldn't really speak.

Yuki's worried face floated above mine. _Worried? _I blinked my eyes, surprised. I tried to sit up, but was gently forced back down by Yuki's hand that was now on my chest.

"Where...?" I croaked. My gaze roamed aimlessly around the stark white walls.

Yuki gestured at the room. "He?" He asked. A now emotionless mask set firmly on his face. "You're at the hospital, Shuichi." He pointed at my bandaged arm and said spitefully "That got you here. Why in the hell did you do that, baka!"

I looked at him with pain filled eyes. _Why is he acting like he cares?_

I do care. Yuki said softly. Somehow answering my thoughts. I moved my mouth, and nothing came out but strangled sounds. He looked at me with pain on his face. "The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with your throat. Is this happening... because of me? Is it my fault?" By the way he looked, the way he was talking, I could tell that all this was tearing him up inside. Somehow, although I hated him for how he treated me, I felt sorry for him. I looked up at him, wit some of my usual luster in my eyes. The luster was hope. A tiny spark of hope. That I would try to hold onto until the end of time, if Yuki wanted me to.

I mimed writing with and imaginary pencil. Yuki left briefly and returned with pen and paper. I wrote down quickly: "Do you love me?"

Yuki snorted and gruffly said "This is not the time for this.

I wrote back, "Yes it is.

He glared at me a moment, then his gaze softened and he turned away. "Yes, I love you Shu-chan."

I wrote down determinedly "I want to... get help. Help me Yuki?" I looked up wit once again blank, sad eyes.

"Shindou-san?" Asked a lady as she shifted her glasses on her nose. I slowly looked up from my folded hands in my lap.

"I'm your psychiatrist, Dr. Murakami." She said cheerfully Too cheerfully. _Cheerful enough to piss any sane person off, let alone someone with mental problems._ I thought spitefully. I nodded acquiescence, then stood up and followed her to her office.

As I sat down in a cushy chair, she studied me, and pondered my silence with curiosity. Then she jotted something down on a paper.

She smiled cheerfully at me. "How have you been feeling lately?"

I glared at her in annoyance. Lately I had become almost Yuki like, except Yuki was different now, almost nice. I mentally shuddered. Under normal circumstances, I'd verbally rip this perky woman to shreds. But I remembered Yuki's warning.

Flashback

Yuki glared at me. I know that you've been moody lately, but this doctor isn't going to put up wit all of the crap I put up with. If you lose this chance, then I don't think there's anything that even I can do to help you.

End Flashback

"Mr. Shindou?"

I flashed an award winning smile at her and recited like I was at school "After the hospital incident, I was desolate, depressed, and despondent..." _The triple D's..._

She didn't show any change in emotion. _I mean, I should be expected to feel all these things... I have depression, right!_

Then I continued on almost cheerfully, subtly mocking her. "But lately I've become moody, as well as depressed, and take out all my anger and frustrations out on everybody."

She jotted something down that looked suspiciously like 'hormones'. _For god's sake, woman! I'm 19!_

I frowned. "Although I can't say that Yuki's been taking it very well."

"How so?"

"Yuki's getting a taste of his own medicine,"I said, equally cheerful as before I frowned. "which pisses him off, and there's nothing he can do to get rid of this anger." I smirked at his predicament.

As she scribbled in her notebook, I caught the word 'smug'. _Damn straight I am. _"I'm bored skinless at not being able to go to work, and Yuki took all the sharp objects out of the house." I frowned. "Including all of my cds!" I complained.

She nodded. "That was smart of him..." She stopped. She had dug herself a hole and she wasn't about to make it deeper.

"Smart. Smart?" I screamed. _Uh oh... I've lost it. I can think of one tall blond and handsome that won't be happy about this..._ "Those were my favorite cds! Nittle Grasper! How dare he take them away! How in the seven hells am I supposed to keep occupied if I can't even listen to cds and practice with them?" The session bell rang. _Annoying, but for once useful._ "I'll see you tomorrow." I growled before I stalked out the door. Leaving behind a very unfazed Dr. Murakami scribbling furiously in her damn notebook.

Yuki glared at me as I stormed out. "Now what did I tell you..."

"I know. I know." I recited sassily. "This is my only chance, and I just blew up on my doctor at my first appointment." I crossed my arms and glared at the now very interesting wall. "But take it from me, she didn't seem upset at all. I bet you she's still scribbling in that damn notebook about me."

Yuki peeked into her office, then glanced at me surprised. "You're right. You've finally found someone besides Hiro unfazed by one of your temper tantrums. Baka."

We bickered as we walked through the automatic doors onto the sidewalk.

"So..." Yuki said, obviously amused at the whole conversation. A car speeded by loudly, causing a break in conversation. "Why did you explode?"

"She dissed Nittle Grasper." I said simply. We walked towards his car where it was parked a short ways down the street.

"You going back tomorrow?"

I snorted. His question wasn't really a question. More like a demand phrased as a question. "It's not like I really have a choice now. I'm in too deep."

"That's right." He said as he gave me a light hug around my shoulders. "I'm not going to give up on you now."

"Goody." I muttered darkly.

We then both climbed into the car for the ling, silent, uncomfortable ride home that was sure to come. _When did I start calling his place home? It's not. It's a jail._

I musta muttered this to myself because Yuki looked at me sharply. "I don't mean for it to seem like a jail to you." He said apologetically.

"Then let me live elsewhere." I retorted.

"Never." He said. Effectively ending our short conversation.

I had a sour look on my face as I crossed my arms across my chest and looked determinedly forward. out of the corner of my eye, I saw Yuki smirk. "What." I snapped. Trying to sound disinterested.

"Turn that frown upside down!" Yuki said in a sing-song voice.

"That's just creepy" I said in a disgusted voice as I turned to look out the passenger window. But when I was sure he couldn't see me, a very small smile twitched on my lips.


End file.
